Parenting Class 101: Lesson #1 – Time to take off the boxing gloves!

My mind is boggled with the same question all the time when I see women fighting over men and children: “When and why did girlfriends/wives and “babymamas” hating each other become a new norm and trending?” I mean even men do it now. You just see the person for the first time and instantly a radar goes up that you can’t like or trust them. My step daughters are 10 and step sons even older. I’m not saying that things have been perfect between their mothers and I because it hasn’t! Not by a long shot. As a matter of fact being a step parent is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do mentally, emotionally and physically. I know first hand though how EXHAUSTING and time consuming it is to not like a person everyday of your life for no damn obvious reason. My confusion with the whole situation is, 9 times out of 10, you never have that much hate or dislike for the person you actually slept with, dealt with, had a baby with an ultimately broke up with. Some of y’all parents are even still sleeping together behind closed doors and yet, y’all don’t like person that don’t even know y’all sleeping together! And you partners are thee worst! How ever do you expect to build a relationship with someone when you can’t even communicate with the other most important person in the life of the person most important to your mate? (don’t let that go over your head) I have tried very, very, VERY hard to make it possible for me to never have to talk to my bonus childrens’ moms and I lie to you not it’s IMPOSSIBLE! Especially as an active parent with kids of my own. I spent 6 years with my oldest bonus daughter’s mom in an imaginary beef with imaginary hate. So much to the point that eventually I forgot how we started beefing in the first place! SIX years! Do you know how much that hate and negative energy affected and stunted my growth as a woman? Not to mention how much it stunted the growth of that baby and her father. Granted, I agree that not only does it take a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to WANT to raise the child as a village! However, somebody at some point has to grow and step up! Life got no easier when we got visitation for her either. Here I thought court orders would make the situation much better. WRONG! It made it that much harder for me to ignore her ass! (Lol) I had a lot of growing to do and the minute I decided to put my pride aside and stop pretending to be an adult an actually be one, I emailed her, apologized for my part and let her know that all I care about now is making sure that there is not one more child out here fatherless or hurting if I could do something to prevent it. Trust me, it still gets rough from time to time and I could blame a thousand people (including her dad but….to be continued) but ultimately ladies and gentlemen YOU are in control of your life and how it will turn out. You married or vowed to be together and so unfortunately that package they have comes with an ex or a next! Don’t keep pointing fingers because while you’re pointing, time is passing, children are watching and it will either make or break them. Three years, lots of tears and fights later, me and my nugget finally have a working relationship where she knows I would never hurt her intentionally and her mom and I have an actual friendship! After all, you never know how much you have in common with a person when you put aside the way you imagined them to be before you ever even met them. Ask yourself “Is this person worth losing years off my life hating and fighting with just to prove I am right and they are wrong?” Better yet ask yourself “Who do I really hate? Them or the broken situation I left without closure?”

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