When is too long…too long??

Men and women have such a different perception in relationship “light years”. It’s no wonder they say “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus”. So I was having a conversation with a friend today and the conversation spiked an interesting question in me: “When is too long too long?” The longest relationship I’ve been in was 8 years and 3 of that was in marriage & 7 1/2 of that was living together. Before that, I was in a relationship for 2 years and that whole relationship was living in house together. However, today was the first conversation I had with a man and he said “she asked and I told her I wasn’t moving in with her.” My jaw dropped to the floor. Two years and she suggested they move in and he had said no. Now of course his reasons seemed legitimate and I agreed but the other part of me cringed just when I heard the word “no”. I mean where do you go after that conversation? More importantly, how long do you wait before you decide that it is time to take your relationship to the next level. I know for me…2 years is a lifetime. If we cannot decide on a next step in two years then Houston; we have a problem! Two years to a female is a decade worth of time. Especially after 25. At 29, in 6 months I feel like I should know where we going and if we are going together. If you tell me that you want to buy your own house in the next few years and have your own space, in my mind, you are not taking this serious or taking me serious. If we have been together 2 years and you still want to be on your own in a couple years, then I must not be a part of your future.

Like I said, that is how a women normally thinks (or overthinks lol). However, a man feels like 2 years is like 2 minutes. To him buying a house together or moving in together brings on another responsibility of meeting the family, getting married and having children. Talk about over analyzing things! Then they say we are moving too fast. Sir! two years of my life I cannot get back is not fast! Do you guys realize what can happen in two years. I can graduate with a degree in two years, I can have 2 1/2 babies in two years. There is so much that can happen in two years and by year three I am going to be questioning where I am and who I am with. Any woman who tells you she is ok with waiting with you and be single but not single for two years is lying through all her teeth. We need some type of commitment. Bring a drawer, give me a drawer, let me meet your kids, take me to a cookout, move in, give me a ring, make me your WCW on social media so I know its real! You have to show me something or I’m going to assume this is going no where! But then, on the flip side…how early is too early? Neither of those relationships I laid out in the beginning has lasted which also makes me ask “what went wrong?” I think women sometimes pressure men into moving into that next step and then he lashes back out by still acting single in a clearly monogamous relationship. When a man WANTS to be with you and move in and give you a ring, have babies, etc. he will not give you a reason to doubt his love. He won’t stay out all night, sleep on the couch everyday, act like he can’t help around the house. He will want to do whatever he can to make sure his family is well taken care of and he will NOT…I REPEAT HE WILL NOT leave you to feel like you have to do everything on your own while he comes and goes as he pleases.

All too often I believe we as women have certain expectations that we require from a man which is a great thing. But then, we demand those expectations without ever thinking of the consequences if we get them unwillingly from our spouse. I for one would be hurt behind an “I’m not ready” speech but I’d appreciate it a lot more than the “this is what you wanted” speech. I guess there is no “too long” or “too early” definitions is terms of time but more of a “same page” or “not same page” term. All of which regardless of what it is should be talked about early on. Don’t assume he loves you enough to sacrifice because 9 times out of 10 if he hesitated or said no the first time, the time he caves in has nothing to do with love but more to do with comfort and peace and quiet!

4 comments

  1. Women need to expect and demand respect if he loves you he will do whatever it takes to make it official. You don’t want to be with someone by default! Women compromise way too much what incentive does a man have when you make it so easy for him? The first year date someone and don’t stop dating the other guys either. Enjoy making a new friend no pressure. The second year if you two agree to date exclusively then still have fun and if half way through the year you want to be together then start talking more seriously about major things but ladies do more observing and listening. Look for how you two handle life situations. Help one another around the house, do the yard together have your neigbors observe him or her. Third year if you are still into one another then bring them around your family and friends more often. Seek premarital counseling and if the pastor, family and friends don’t not any red blaring flags then pray and ask God to give you a peace and make the wedding plans. It is a four year process and self control sexually emotionally are a must. Lust almost always pushes you into relationships faster than taking it out of the equation.

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    • Do you honestly believe that this type of connection takes 2 years to build?? No commitment or anything is what your saying? I guess my next question is at what stage in your life should this be taking place because at 35 I won’t be dating to just “date”. I want to be building and getting to know someone. I want to know that the person I’m getting to know and get used to is not a waste of time.

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  2. Don’t let fear be your guide obviously if it the will of God then no event or even saying no to sex without a commitment is going to make a difference between you and your future wife or husband.

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